I'm back!!!!!
Any critiques are greatly appreciated, and I hope you will rip and tear away as you please! I'm wondering if the meaning is clear in this.....
Leave me in the wilted corners of your memories.
The dampened, wrinkled edges, where you hardly dare to show.
Try not to catch my shadow,
fleeing birdlike from your thoughts,
I’m trying to make it easier you know.
I hope you know,
that I’ll be right behind you as you fall.
I’ll hold your hand as you slip into the snow.
I told you it’d be cold;
but I will never let you go.
I’ll be right there freezing with you,
until your tears have dried for good,
then when I loose myself away,
you will never know.
I’d fade right with you if I could,
but I haven’t even begun to glow.
Sort of like,
it’s impossible to shrink,
when you haven’t had time to grow.
Yes, the sky is always gray,
but that’s my second-favorite color,
and I’ll lift my face and laugh for you under the rain’s steady flow.
And you know,
I’ll be right back with you soon,
because Time is still quite young,
and he doesn’t like to move too slow.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,444 Literary Works • 674,455 Reviews
I'd put a comma after easier.
Loose or lose? I'm not sure which you meant here.
You've said you know at least three times so far, I think it's being a little overused. xD
I love the way you talk about snow - the kind of extended metaphor, the image it conjures, is very good. Also, the first stanza is well-written. Not an original topic, but you've written it in an original way. Good job.
Okay, firstly, I loved it.
The really intimate meaning behind the poem really made it stand out.
The poem flowed beautifully and I loved the last two stanzas, especially the line about grey being your second favourite colour. I don't know what it is about this line but it really stood out to me.
The last two lines about time were really great, I loved them.
For some critique...
I have to agree with the others, I don't think the first stanza quite fits in, but other than that I really liked it.
Good Luck!
It's nice, but some parts were kinda...jumbled up, and they confused me. Like Demeter said; there were some things that didn't fit in.
But overall, it was a good poem. The last stanza was my favourite. Some parts of it sounded like a song (to me). ^^
Anyway, good luck and keep writing!
Hey
Hmm. I felt like the poem left me a little confused. Or, at least the first stanza; how it connects with the others and all. There's something in it that doens't quite fit in, I don't know what it is.
I still think it was beautiful. My favourite stanzas were the last one and the second to last.
Haha
With a little bit of editing and clearing up the thoughts, this can be just 1derful! Haha
Demeter xxx